He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
