Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize