i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
