You're my little dorito
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
