is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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