i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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