I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
