Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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