And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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