so that wasnt chicken after all
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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