The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just invented taco cereal.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
