I'm going to jail i love you
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
