piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
