I'm drive I can fine osifer
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
