Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You can't motorboat a personality
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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