I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he fucked my hip out of place.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
