You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
