Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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