so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
