Your mouth is God's brothel.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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