M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
