Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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