we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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