Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
