I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
