so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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