You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
