I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize