I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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