How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
COCAINE IS GR8
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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