the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
