Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
