I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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