if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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