I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
