i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
