we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Actions speak louder than pants.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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