she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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