THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
