I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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