the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
If I had your ass I would rule the world
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
