Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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