3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
