You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
