Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
