You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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