Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
