hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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