I just threw up on my dentist
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize