My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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