i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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