just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
A+ Viking dick
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
