Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I skipped work to stalk him.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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