she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
