So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize