i just google imaged poop.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
