I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Randomize
