Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
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