so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
