I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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