I am spending my child support on dildos
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
