So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
