just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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