I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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