I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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