My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
