she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
