Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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